Consumed in the latest fictional reporting week.
Imaginary internal dashboard
Office for Caffeinated Beverages
OCB weekly briefing on coffee consumption across the department.
The Office for Caffeinated Beverages tracks fictional coffee demand, focus scores, and briefing readiness for civil servants who take their mugs far too seriously.
Week commencing 21 Sep 2026
This single page reads from MySQL and turns the latest OCB observation set into charts, summaries, and a tidy operational table.
Derived from the latest operational tasting logs.
33 cups in National Espresso Oversight.
33 cups across the latest week.
By officer
Mug count by named official
Latest fictional weekly intake by person.
Over time
Department consumption trend
Weekly totals across OCB teams.
17 Aug
82
24 Aug
92
31 Aug
98
07 Sep
103
14 Sep
108
21 Sep
114
By beverage
Preferred drinks mix
Latest week share by beverage style.
-
Flat White 33 cups, 28.9%
-
Oat Latte 29 cups, 25.4%
-
Cappuccino 27 cups, 23.7%
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Filter Coffee 25 cups, 21.9%
Operational detail
Latest fictional readings
Made-up officials, made-up coffee, very serious presentation.
| Official | Team | Region | Beverage | Cups | Focus | Readiness | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Ada Roastwell | National Espresso Oversight | Whitehall | Flat White | 33 | 95.0% | 89% | Logged a record number of mugs during policy sprint week |
| Priya Bean | Regional Latte Analysis | Bristol | Oat Latte | 29 | 97.0% | 93% | Recorded the department's best latte throughput this quarter |
| Noah Crema | Regional Latte Analysis | Leeds | Cappuccino | 27 | 89.0% | 84% | Submitted a tidy annex on froth resilience |
| Martin Dripley | National Espresso Oversight | Whitehall | Filter Coffee | 25 | 85.0% | 80% | Escalated the shortbread supply risk in good time |